St Valentine’s Day is commonly associated with love, romance and candle-lit dinners a deux. This is something of a misconception, as the date February 14th actually commemorates the violent death of St Valentine (who as far as we know had nothing to do with love) on the orders of Roman Emperor Claudius Gothicus, who had him beaten with clubs and then beheaded. And of course Al Capone chose to celebrate St Valentine’s Day 1929 by slaughtering five members of a rival Chicago gang in the infamous massacre.

For anyone who has recently been spurned, dumped or two-timed the sight of a long-stemmed rose, a gipsy violinist or a gift box of Belgian truffles might evoke similar feelings of cold-blooded revenge and retribution. For all of you people may we offer our VOODOO YOU EX service. Just email us a photo of your treacherous former beau/belle, plus a list of five unpleasant fates that you would wish to befall them. For the modest sum of £19.99 (plus P&P) we will send you a voodoo doll bearing that person’s likeness with a different juju on each limb. Alternately you can pick up your doll from our shop in Shoreditch Box Park. And if you order it in time for our Valentine’s Day Masked Ball of the Full Moon on February 14th you can take part in a full voodoo hexing ceremony conducted by our hougan Dr Snaketongue and mambo Mother Carraway.

Of course we can’t promise that your faithless ex will suffer death or dismemberment in the classic tradition of Claudius and Al, but they might succumb to a migraine, a stubbed toe or an unexpected tax bill.

Click here to start building your doll